(Ripped from Tumblr)
What are friends actually? I went to the freedictionaryonline.com to check, and it says:
1. A person whom one knows, likes or trust
2. A person with whom one is allied in a struggle or cause; a comrade
Yeahs, sometimes I really wonder if I have any friends at all even. I don't seem to understand people well. I can't understand what is going on in their heads, and hence my frequent mistakes that contributed to the 'destruction' of our relationship. Moreover, I don't think before I act, so yeahs. I only regret after the damage is done, and I will be at a loss, not knowing how to salvage the relationship after that.
Yeahs, I believe in the quote "True friendship is not being inseparable, it's being separated and nothing changes". We don't have to meet up often just to maintain that friendship. If the friendship needed two to interact face-to-face, I believe that is not the true friendship that I'm looking for.
It is the quality that matters, not quantity. So what if you have many good friends, but none of them is true to you? It is better to have one true friend, isn't it? True friends stand by you in times of danger. True friends undergo hardships with you, without complaining. True friends don't leave you to die alone. True friends protect you and strive their best to ensure your safety. True friends exist in the name of trust.
So sometimes, I get annoyed at people asking me "Hey yanqi, when are you free for dinner?" and "Hey girl, free to go out today". Arghs, I think it is quite irritating whenever I see such messages.
I have poor time management skills, so I find it hard to get away for even a night. I mean, there are mountains of homework piled up high on my study table, waiting for me to clear x.x If I go out for dinner for one night, it is high opportunity costs! I will have to sacrifice my sleeping time, and wake up early in the morning to clear my homework (cause I am usually too tired to do anything at home. I mean, I reach home at 10 plus everytime I go out for dinner), and sometimes I couldn't wake up in the morning to rush my work, I ended up with the accumulation and 'snow-balling' of homework or the risk of getting scolded by my teachers. Haish, >.<
So stop asking me out for dinner for the time being. Ohgawd, so many people to entertain x.x I need some free time to myself, you know. Three days of CCA till 8pm is enough for me, I still have tuition on Thursdays till 9.30pm. I am not free. Anyways, speaking of this, thanks DJ for your understanding and postponing our date to after my block tests. ^^ YAY! :D You are the best! However, he will be away for the whole of April x.x
Anyways, so yesterday, Kenneth was waiting for me in Nex for approximately three hours. He asked me when I'm free for dinner on Sunday (when I was watching Lightseeker musical), so my replies were short and I think I replied without thinking again. So I told him, I think Tuesday will be fine. Keyword: I think. He also never confirm with me on Monday, and we haven't come to a consensus on which venue and everything x.x Then suddenly yesterday (which is Tuesday), I received plenty of calls and mesages from me (I was in camp, so my phone was confiscated and I didn't know he was waiting for me). I was freaking shocked, and called him back, only to hear the word 'disappointed'. Yesh, he said he was disappointed in me.
Gah, I absolutely hate the word 'disappointed' now. I think I would rather somebody being angry instead of disappointed. So my guilt was engulfing me yesterday and I didn't know what to do x.x I know, I wasn't doing a good job as a friend (I guessed that was the reason why my clique and friends slowly left me one by one because of my slow replies towards them).
"Sometimes", said Pooh, "the smallest things take up the most room in your heart."
I am thankful grateful towards my current secondary school friends who still keep in contact with me, namely Huiqi, Vivian, Jianming and maybe Kenneth? LOL. Thanks for your understanding although I always super late reply you guys. :3 Thanks for always being there for me.
(Manhattan Fish Market)
Dinner date with Huiqi on Monday @ Bishan. Although it was a short meetup only, but thank you for not dropping me as a good friend.
To be honest, I am a hermit. 看不出，but that is a fact >.< Yeahs, I don't like to socialise with others. I like to lead my own life, without the disturbance of others. I like to stay at home and enjoy my own self time. I don't like going out. So yeahs.
For you, I hid and erased myself.
I was drunk and leaned against you.
I forcefully fit myself in your puzzle.
But now, I'm tired, I can't breathe.
As times goes, you expect more out of me.
Like a shoe sole that is wearing out due to friction,
you are wearing me out as well.
Your nagging is like a necktie,
choking my neck and forcing me to be quiet.
I miss the old me.
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