50% child and 50% old soul.

Happy Halloween guys! :D

Didn't went Trick-or-Treating (although I would pretty much want to try next year hehes), but yay I finally joined in the hype by heading to USS's Halloween Horror Night two weeks ago with my babes to celebrate instead. :D My first time, and it was not bad luh. The props are very well done and realistic, although it failed to scare me. Hahahahas. Or am I too brave? :DDD #self-compliment

(Nice backdrop)

Feeling excited and jumpy and all while we make our way towards the venue. :D And when we joined the queues at the entrance, guess who I saw! Junho! Omg, what a coincidence! Seeing him suddenly reminds me of how much I missed my JC CCA mates. :/

(The standard photo that everyone takes when they went HHN)

(And we bought the photos as souvenirs tooo)

(The torturous snaky long queues and I felt like I'm in sauna)

(I had a bad hair day ohgosh)

(Moehan looked ghastly here LOLOL)

(Spamming photos whilst Moehan just emo at one corner)

I don't feel that any of the photos we taken that night were instaworthy, because I don't really look good in any photos T.T Omigosh. Hahahahas, but thanks Amanda, Weina and Moehan for their company that night. I keep these old friends close to the heart, they are all so precious. Thanks for making my night a wonderful one. Let's wait till Yangfan finish his A's then let's have a proper gathering with full attendance! :DD

自己乘坐一艘船，在这片海洋里漂流。
想要拥有一切永远都是不可能的梦。
只有回忆与遗憾使能够拥有的。

Good people are like candles; they burn themselves up to give others light.

(Happy birthday to this pig!)

Finally found some time to celebrate my bestie's birthday yesterday. Four days late, because burden me had project deadlines to meet, so I couldn't meet her earlier :/ #badfriend I got her to choose her own birthday gift, and she got herself a Everlast tee. :D I find the tee plain and simple yet nice, hahahahas, got the minimalist feel.

Met her at Jurong Point and accompanied her to shop at G2000 for her scholarship ceremony this coming Friday. Super proud of her! :DD Went for dinner at Pizzahut this time, and ordered the usuals. My favourite Beef Lasagna, hehehes, yum yum in my tum tum! #feelinghappyeventhoughIamnotthebirthdaygirl

(Blackball for dessert)

Super excited to find out that the shop next to Blackball is Llaollao, yay! :D Next time I can go and satisfy my cravings after my monthly dental appointments. Okay, I totally sounded like a pig now. Hahahahahas. :D

Happy Birthday Huiqi! I'm so sorry that I didn't prepare a birthday card or anything beforehand (because I was quite busy T.T). Sorry for being such a lousy friend, but I still want to thank you for sticking with me all these years. Seven years of friendship, no joke. Hahahahas! ^^ Thanks for everything, and may happiness continue to stay within you. Stay smiley! :DDD

I'm falling apart. I'm barely breathing.
With a broken heart that's still beating.
So I'm holding on, I'm still holding on,
I'm barely holding on.

Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul.

Got back my results a few days ago and I felt immense disappointment. I felt that I am not giving my best into this entire shit, but seriously I screwed it up so badly that I have no idea how am I suppose to survive for the rest of the semester. :/ Even my individual assignment and all, which I can safely said that I had put in a lot effort, was fck up. I don't know where went wrong? Sometimes I wonder if I am really cut out for university. Should I just quit and go work? I don't get it why the people around me kept saying that this is the gradeless semester / you can S/U everything, but I need my grades to declare my major. T.T Arghs. People just don't understand me.

I think I am a failure in everything. Cannot study, cannot drive, cannot play music properly. I am a failure in life. T.T

In your arms as the dawn is breaking,
face to face & a thousand miles apart.
I've tried my best to make you see.
There's hope beyond the pain.
If we give enough, if we learn to trust.

The road was lonely, but still, she did not look for headlights.

Barely surviving. One project down. Two more to go! I can't wait for all these to end omg. Been drinking coffee all day, all night long (on average 2 cups a day), and I think I have too much caffeine in me now that this sole thought of me being so unhealthy just irks me. :/

Mummy decided to injured herself by throwing dropping the toaster on her leg and yeahs, her toe broke. Not toenail, but toe. Legit toe. And sometimes this kind of happening always rendered me speechless. Bangwall much. She's on medical leave for a week, and couping herself at home because she cannot go anywhere. :/ Lesson learnt guys, please be careful when dealing with heavy electrical appliances!

Been covering some of her duties at home, namely being a housewife, for a few days and I am just so tired, omg. Really wondered how she balances between working in a company and working at home. :/ I am in sudden awe of her, hahahahahas! Mummy please recover soon -.-

Looking forward to the end of next week because I would be saying sayonara to three of my tutorials. :DDD Last tutorials for three of my modules, whoopeee! Can you feel my happiness and relief!?

Throwback to my Paradise Dynasty lunch last Sunday with my mama:

(Decided that Taiwan's authentic 红油抄手 is still the best)

(A huge plate of stir-fried beef noodles that is sufficient for two persons)

(Who can resist xiaolongbaos!)

Hahahahahas, good meal. :D Recently felt a significant number of ulcers growing in my mouth. Ouch, pain. Stupid braces. :/

Remember those walls I built
Well baby, they're tumbling down.
And they didn't even put up a fight.
They didn't even make a sound.

Comparisons are easily done, once you had a taste of perfection.

Two days to MS1102E Video submission.
Six days to GES1003 Report submission.
Seven days to EL1101E Project submission.
Leggo, just one more week to go before I can taste temporary freedom.

Met my two poops, Vivian and Peggy, for a dinner date @ IKEA Alexandra last Tuesday :D Didn't realised it was just a few busstops away from NUS; it took me only around 10-15 minutes to reach?! Hahahahas, happygirl96. Thank goodness I joined O'week because we went there for flagday (that's when I knew the existence of this bus), if not this dumb girl here will definitely take the MRT down to Queenstown and bus to IKEA hahahahas! :/

(Cheers to IKEA food!)

(Failed attempt at selfie)

(The colour tone and everything just sucks omg)

(Two poopheads and Beauty)

Hahahahas, food (10/10), company (10/10), mood (10/10). :DD Looking forward to our next date (after finals I guess, sighpie). These days I have been too busy, and I'm sorry to those whom I super late reply (hahahas I need 2 working days :P) LOLOL.

休息是为了走更长的路.

Meetups like this is really a good remedy to relieve stress.

There is only one thing that
makes a dream impossible to achieve:
the fear of failure.
-Paulo Coeino

You are only invisible to those who do not deserve to see you.

Feeling shag these days, and I seem to be sleeping more than usual, but why do I still feel so tired?! My life these days have been revolving around projects, projects and more projects. How come others only have 1 or 2 projects, but I have 3?! Life is unfair :/ I really don't see the fun and purpose in attending school now. Life has been hell these days.

On a side note, I thank my GES1003 project mates for being so dedicated. I found myself not contributing much to the discussions and all (I'm always late for project meetings due to other commitments), and I am sorry for it. But I really did put in my 100% in writing up my parts; I have put in a lot of thought in it (and it is super time-consuming). But still I'm thankful for this group (because you guys constantly push one other and not slack off; I hate slackers omg, reminds me of my PW group LOL). The deadline for this project is nearing, I hope that we can continue giving our all, and do a good job of it, and ace the project yeahs!

Special mention to Richmond because during a night project meeting, he brought so much food that is enough to last a lifetime to eat as dinner/supper, there was sushi, chips, kinderbueno and peppero amongst others. #happykid96 because I like to eat.

Anyways, some visuals from two weeks ago:

(Take 1)

(Take 2)

(NG!)

Cheers to 1-for-1 Starbucks promotion, I had my second cup already. :D I'm thankful for this certain someone for her accompany in school, despite me being sick and tired of seeing her 24/7, yes including weekends for project meetings and whatnot. Keeeding! Hahahahas! (: But I'm really thankful.

Sometimes, when life gives you hell, learn to look at the bright side. Be thankful and appreciative to everyone/everything around you instead of dwelling in negativity. Learn to overcome these obstacles to be a better person who is stronger mentally. Believe in yourself.

(Healthy salad meal to cleanse my soul)

But I ordered a bubbletea to go with it LOL.

The future belongs to those who
believe in the beauty of their dreams.
-Eleanor Roosevelt

I'm falling for your eyes, but they don't know me yet.

Last Friday lunch date with my favourite O'weekers Jovee and Aloysius, before rushing for my one-and-only tutorial of the day. (And I was late for 5 minutes tsktsk). Hahahahas! :3 But it has been a long time since I last saw them, so yay happy for a great meetup!

(Milkcow for dessert)

(Stupid Aloysius kept blaming me for my slanted hands that ruined the photo T.T)

My honest thoughts: 2 months into university, but I only made hi-bye friends. As much as I like my O'week mates, they are eventually just people whom I meet up for meals on some days only. There is no genuine and deep friendships that I appreciated. x.x No one whom I can connect well to, no one whom I can pour my troubles to. I dislike such surface friendships because there is just no depth, and sometimes it makes me wonder, what's the point of making friends if friendships are to be kept this way?

Okay, just some rants because I am on my way home alone (alone, hence my thoughts tend to run wild). Ohwell, decided to clear my thoughts by going 'green' for dinner. :P 

(Spinach pizza with yummy nuggets)

The pizza surprisingly tasted not bad (that I even bought another one the next day hahahahas). Hahahahas, but okay. Not healthy after all. :3

I found a way to let you in,
But I never really had a doubt.
Standing in the light of your halo,
I've got my angel now.

There's a part of me I can't get back. A little girl grew up too fast.

Mummy was on leave yesterday and sister had no school (marking day), so we headed to Shabusai @ Woodlands for lunch after my driving stimulator session. LOLOL, #badgirl96 I made up my mind to stop going for GES1003 lectures anymore. Shall just stay home to watch webcasts 'cause I find it pointless to go all the way down to school just for 1.5 hour (even my travelling time is longer :3)

(Before)

Soup base: Sukiyaki and some yuzu collagen (?) Both taste awesome, hehehes, and they match well because sukiyaki soup base is slightly more salty but yuzu collagen soup base is more bland yet more flavourful. LOLOL, I don't know how explain luh, but both are great!

(Tons of food)

(I ate enough meat to last for a lifetime)

(After)

Hahahahas, damn nice. (Y) 赞! The money is worth it, because the soup base is especially delicious and the meat is free flow. There's chicken, pork and beef for you to choose from. I ordered around 12 plates altogether, omg. Fat die me. Hahahahas!

However, there's always two sides to a coin. :/ Walao, they limit the eating time to 60 minutes. Wth, I speed-eat omg. >.< There's desserts and all, I didn't have the luxury of time to decorate my ice cream and all. I just dump everything and my ice cream looked like a mess LOLOL (I don't even have time to take picture of it). :3 Bangwall much.

But okay whatever. I very long never eat Shabu Shabu liao, so okay hahahahas! :D

Try not to become
a man of success
but a man of value.
-Albert Einstein

It's much too quiet in here. I want to disappear. I'm hearing myself thinking too clear.

Last weekend I went back to NUS to volunteer for this Run for Autism event, and it was nothing short of amazing. Initially I was quite reluctant to go, and was even thinking of pulling out, because I had no time to study for an uncoming midterm, but okay, I forced myself to go in the end, and I didn't regret my choice.

I was a road marshal under the Faculty of Science block (but apparently I was stationed at one of the courts at YIH LOL). The brilliant sun shone down so brightly that I think I'm going to be chao ta anytime. But thankfully, the run ended swiftly in around an hour. Hahahahas. And it didn't felt like an hour because I was busy people-watching. LOLOL! There are participants from all walks of life, from kids to adults to elderly, the autistic and parents who even pushed their baby prams! :DD They are damn cute hehehes.

And I'm quite touched by the participants' concerns for me. (: Some of them made small talks with me and even chided me for not wearing cap / applying sunblock (problem is I didn't know I will be assigned to such a sunny area; Manda was under shade all this while). Hahahahas, felt so blessed to be showered with concerns by strangers.

Some visuals of the event:

(With Amanda, Yanlin, Xingyu and Christel!)

(Now I understand why everyone loves taking photos at Town Green already)

(Rainbow!)

(Jump shot successfully taken at first try)

(Do we look like cleaners yet?)

(Photobooth)

(With Manda's YFA fellow interns)

(Lunch over at some Vietnamese restaurant at Kent Ridge)

It was more of having fun than volunteering, hahahahas! (: There's free ice cream and candy floss. LOL, and maybe next time if Project Embrace got any exhibition or anything, we can borrow the storyboards and all from the Run for Autism. LOLOL, outsourcing.

All the pain and the truth,
I wear like a battle wound.
So ashamed, so confused.
I was broken and bruised.
Now I'm a warrior.

But I can't get my hopes too high because every hello ends with a goodbye.

(Ripped from tumblr)

It is the feeling weighing down on your heart, your mind, your soul.  It is the feeling whereby you are torn between "wanting" and "needing". It is the feeling that you wanted very much to get rid of, but it is just there haunting you as you forced yourself to carry on with your everyday activities.

It is the feelings of confusion.

It is akin to a breeze on a windy autumn day. You lose yourself in the breeze as it comes, you calm yourself and let  the breeze cascade your cheeks, and you indulge in the freedom as the breeze mess up your hair. You thought you have it all. But you are afraid. You are constantly on your toes, because you know that breeze being breeze, it comes and goes quickly. You are afraid that when the breeze dies, the leaves will fall, and the world will become colder. Confusion sinks in.

There are things that you don't want to continue but you are afraid to end. The idea of not knowing what I want, and not knowing what the other party want, is simply just killing me. I want to follow my instincts but my mind is telling me otherwise. Think rationally, think.

Perhaps this is all just a dream, a dream that I don't want to wake up from. I warned myself not to fall into this abyss, but things just happened. I can't pull myself out of it anymore, just plunging further and further down. I am afraid, afraid of getting hurt once more.

I have no idea what to feel now. My mind is in a blank state now. What does confusion means again?

Maybe you shouldn't come back.
Maybe you shouldn't come back to me.
Tired of being so sad.
Tired of getting so mad.

For you, I'd bleed myself dry.

With the end of EL1101E midterms earlier this morning, I am finally done with all my midterms for the semester. Woohoo! :D Yet it simply just didn't feel like the end of midterms. Perhaps my university life has been just so hectic that it is never ending, because the end of midterms signals the start of project deadlines. Sighpie, and after which, finals will start. Ahhh, my life :/

The EL1101E midterm marking has been super efficient, because I got back my results on the same day itself at 4pm. And... I walked out of the exam auditorium with much confidence, only to see my screwed up marks on my gradebook. Whut. What just happened. I studied hard for this, I really did, because I knew I screwed PL1101E and PL2131 big-time, I am determined to at least pass this mod will flying colours. Boy, I overestimated myself. :/

I was actually on a shopping spree with Manda to celebrate the end of exams, but the news of my grade just killed my mood. Yanqi, buck up please. T.T

Ohwell, no use crying over spilled milk. Thanks Manda and L for comforting me and telling me everything is okay, even though I know it's not. But ohwell, it still feels comforting to know that people do care about you, and to remind you that having bad grades is not the end of the world.

We were all tired after much shopping, so off to Pizzahut for dinner (I only spent $5 for the meal because there's a one-for-one deal and we have some voucher :P) Hahahahas, then we headed to Nunsaram Korean Dessert Cafe for something sweet to cheer ourselves up.

(So cute!)

(While waiting for our bingsu)

(We decided to spam photos)

(The waiting time was freaking long)

(Manda looked ghostly here :P)

(What a candid shot)

(Cheesecake Bingsu)

(Trying to showcase my artistic flair in photography)

Thanks for everything, my little bestie. :D Thanks for sticking with me all these years, and I'm glad to find such a soul mate in you. Just wanted to let you know that you're one of a kind, and I'm really honoured to know you as my bestie. Cheers!

And I don't get waves of missing you anymore,
they're more like tsunami tides in my eyes.

My mind is a warrior. My heart is a foreigner.

Recess week (last week) has been pretty much hectic for me, as I met up with new friends, overdue catch up with the old friends, and also errr stay-home to get shit done (yikes).

I'm glad I met up with L even though things were awkward and all. But I guessed it is better to take a step forward and to experiment, and see for ourselves if things could work out. :3

The highlight of the week: sleepover! Hahahahas! :D

Went to school for a SEP talk which I felt that it was not very useful other than the fact that I learnt that if you choose to travel to China for your SEP, you can go SEP for a second time to another place. Which sounds pretty interesting, but can you imagine psychology being taught in Chinese?! Ohno. -.- I think I will die.

Afterwards, I met up with the bestie Huiqi for lunch at Jurong Point, Swensens. Hahahahas! :D P.S. The service is super bad there, I'm so not going back to patronise again T.T

(Mandatory selfie shot)

(Crayfish pasta, yum!)

(Cookies and cream ice cream)

Took a bus down to Vivian's hall myself and wow, the bus trip was super long?! Around 15-20 minutes I guess. :/ But it was just from Jurong Point to her hall...

Slap myself for not taking any pictures together throughout our entire sleepover ohgosh.

Anyways, we explored the NBS library (it was her first time there) because it was located at this super ulu place ohgeeez. The library shouldn't be called a library because it was freaking noisy. Everyone was just talking at the top of their voices, and people were practicing their presentation in the small cubicles (?) which is super cool because it comes with the visualiser and all for each cubicle, and there's around 5 of them. Amazed.

Dinner at this weird place because a card was required to pay for the food. Y'know the Kopitiam card? At least when you go Kopitiam got discounts and all, and they allow you to pay in cash. But yeahs, the NTU food court no discounts and require a card which is super mafan?! I borrowed from Vian. LOLOL, and the aunties there were all very angst. Pms much omg.

Went back to her room to study, it was really conducive because the room was big with huge table and aircon hehes! I occupied the table whilst her boyfriend and her studied on the bed. They make such a cute couple hahahahas. I was initially quite sceptical about him but that night I was super impressed. He was quite caring not only to her, but her friends as well. 难得 worhs. Vian, must cherish this good haul. Hahahahas! :D

Bathed in the middle of the night (I actually hate bathing so late) before heading back to study a bit more then sleep. I shared a bed with Vian, whilst her boyfriend slept on the cold hard floor. Ouch.

Nonetheless, I woke up super early at 6 plus because I was due to go to a mosque in Bishan for the Malay Studies project. :/ Tired die me, and the haze that day was pretty bad.

Alighted at Sembawang whereby Amanda's daddy drove us to the mosque. What would I do without you Manda hahahahas! The mosque is so out-of-place and I didn't want to venture out to find the place myself under the haze. :/ Thanks Manda and her daddy!

Finished project quickly (we only did an interview, because the authorities did not allow us to witness the slaughtering of sheep which was the main highlight of our visit tsktsk), after which me and Manda headed to Sun Plaza for a pizzahut meal.

And yes, I went home to mug for the rest for the week. With driving lessons and music lessons slotted during the weekends. #nolifeyanqi And I'm sorry for such a wordy post. :/

People say stick and stones may break your bones,
but names can never hurt you, but that's not true.
Words can hurt. They hurt me.
Things were said to me that I still haven't forgotten.