But I can't get my hopes too high because every hello ends with a goodbye.

(Ripped from tumblr)

It is the feeling weighing down on your heart, your mind, your soul.  It is the feeling whereby you are torn between "wanting" and "needing". It is the feeling that you wanted very much to get rid of, but it is just there haunting you as you forced yourself to carry on with your everyday activities.

It is the feelings of confusion.

It is akin to a breeze on a windy autumn day. You lose yourself in the breeze as it comes, you calm yourself and let  the breeze cascade your cheeks, and you indulge in the freedom as the breeze mess up your hair. You thought you have it all. But you are afraid. You are constantly on your toes, because you know that breeze being breeze, it comes and goes quickly. You are afraid that when the breeze dies, the leaves will fall, and the world will become colder. Confusion sinks in.

There are things that you don't want to continue but you are afraid to end. The idea of not knowing what I want, and not knowing what the other party want, is simply just killing me. I want to follow my instincts but my mind is telling me otherwise. Think rationally, think.

Perhaps this is all just a dream, a dream that I don't want to wake up from. I warned myself not to fall into this abyss, but things just happened. I can't pull myself out of it anymore, just plunging further and further down. I am afraid, afraid of getting hurt once more.

I have no idea what to feel now. My mind is in a blank state now. What does confusion means again?

Maybe you shouldn't come back.
Maybe you shouldn't come back to me.
Tired of being so sad.
Tired of getting so mad.