I think deep love is on the spectrum of insanity.

So much love for this bunch of friends. I'm so glad that I decided to jump ship and jump over to this group. LOL, #survivalskills They are really the nicest project group mates that one could ever ask for. I embrace diversity, we have two FASS, one engineering and one architecture students in the group. P.S. I think FASS peeps are too hostile, hanging out with people from other faculties are better. LOLOL! No freeloaders even though this CFG is a useless module, and it is only a pass/fail module. Thanks for putting in all the hard work and effort, I couldn't ask for more. :D I'm really, really happy to meet this group. Even though I hate CFG (easy module but me and seminars just don't click), they are balls of sunshine who always make CFG better (I emphasise better, not good LOL. Y'know, relatively). Please hang out more together! Hahahas!

So we ended our CFG presentation yesterday with a bang. :D As the last speaker, as I was presenting halfway, I noticed the nods that the facilitators (aka judges) gave each other. Joanne even mumbled under her breath that 'they were good'. Hehehes, so happy because our efforts paid off. :D Thanks Gwenda and Jingren for their slides, because the slides were really damn pretty. A for effort!

(Standing alongside our Gratitude tree, which was done up during the seminar on Happiness. Very colourful, very happy!)

Then it was time for the peer voting (ie. everyone in the class have to vote for the best presenting team). And woohoo, our group and this another group tied and emerged as the top! It was satisfactory to gain recognition for our group's efforts. But at the same time, I was hoping actually that we would get one lesser vote and emerged as the second instead (because our group don't want to be chosen to give the presentation on this separate event to all the bigshots, such as the CEOs from various companies LOL).

As everyone is mingling around in the room, Joanne walked over and told us that our video was great (I do one! :P Trying to claim credit LOL). The CFG team even took snippets of our video and compiled with other selected groups' videos to make into a concluding video. Hehehes, :DD

(Then our poster was in the top 3!)

Grateful to have Kevin in our group because he is a professional in Photoshop. Hahahahas! :D Check out the poster made by him, so much love. And because we won the top 3, we were awarded with this Starbucks reward. Time to meet up with the entire group again over a Starbucks date after Finals! YAY! I'm really, really thankful to meet this bunch. I finally see some light in making friends in the University.

By the way, special thanks to JinJie for accompanying me for lunch yesterday, if not I'd have to eat alone (which I disliked the most). Hehes, he waited for me whilst I finish up my NM2104 post survey (time-wasting only omg, but 20 minutes to earn credit for grades, why not rights!) After yesterday, we realised that we have a lot of communication problems. Hahahas! Omg, really cannot talk to him. We always get the wrong context and all, and it always ended up being damn hilarious. LOL, omg.

Met the rest of the GER group for a meeting from 5.30pm which lasted all the way till 9pm omg?! No dinner, and lucky I wasn't hungry :P Productive because we were 70% done with the summary (it was getting too sian, and we ended up doing it anyhow). Thanks Ben and Jinjie for staying all the way till 9pm. It was always laughters with them, I think I grew abs again Hahahas! YAY, Wednesday was gooooood! (Y)

Cigarettes smoke swirl
Brake lights, broken promises.
1000 miles through the rain,
Left to my own thoughts.
Driving all night, a single stolen
kiss on the second floor stairwell.
Never a goodbye,
We just stopped existing as us.

Let me be the one who shines with you and we can slide away, slide away.

The sister's birthday four days ago, and off we celebrate at this Korean restaurant Seoul Hotpot. Service was prompt despite the restaurant was fullhouse, however the seats that they assigned us was kind of small wts. T.T Yeahs, I felt suffocated. Bangwall much.

(Seafood pancake)

(Seafood japchae)

(Ginseng chicken)

(Beef bibimbap)

(Stir-fried squid)

Had a super hard time biting my food because I went my monthly braces appointment earlier in the morning for tightening T.T Dentist decided to put power chains for both upper and lower sets of teeth, so the pain was kind of times 2. :/ Food was delicious, but not as fantastic like in the past. The squid was on the salty side as well. Hmm I really like the beef bibimbap though! Yumz.

Then we went home to cut cake. Hehehehes. :D I brought my recent favourite cake flavour (Chocolate Fudge Cake), because I hate cream and this cake has lesser cream. Lmao. But my sister loves cream so.., too bad! :P Is it my birthday or my sister's birthday?!

(The 'old' girl blowing her candles!)

(Attempting an artistic feel, but failed)

A birthday, a simple affair. Thanks for being born into the world to be my sister, for taking care of me although I am elder. Roles reversed much LOLOL! (:

天空中是否有颗星星守护我
只是我没有发现
人群中是否有个肩膀愿为我·
挡住最寒冷的冬天

Dancing with the feet is one thing, but dancing with the heart is another.

Backlog.

PL3236 Presentation last Friday with Melvin and Amanda was a success although I was trembling furiously. Hahahahas, it was my very first ever presentation in NUS, and overall I guessed we did well (but my tutor was yawning non-stop throughout my speech wts so I'm having second thoughts about my performance now LOL), but Melvin saved the entire show with his interactions with the class. He was quite engaging, and I felt that I am super fortunate to have him in my group?! Because it was a group presentation mark, and it is 20% of the grades, so hehehes :DDD

(Photo Credits: Amanda the noob)

We had this spiciest Korean kimchi fried rice that I have ever tasted for lunch (at Kent Ridge kopitiam) and llaollao for dessert after our presentation. :D That sweet tooth.

Went volunteering again last Sunday, and this time it was to facilitate games for this bunch of kids. LOL, actually my job scope was just to take care of their needs (ie. bring them for toilet breaks, ensure they drink water) whilst the instructor and her assistant conduct the various games for the children to play. P.S. They are all so innocent and cute omg.

(Warm-up round before they proceeded to play Captain's Ball)

(Competing to see which team can 'kiap' the most number of pingpong balls using chopsticks)

(A 5-year-old and a 7-year-old trying to read)

It was quite amusing to see them enjoying themselves. Hahahas, they were all so excited and were jumping around non-stop. It was a stress reliever to play and hang out with the little children (though I don't fancy the idea of standing under the hot sun whilst they play their outdoor games LOL). Maybe I should do more volunteering related to children, I always feel carefree whenever I'm with them. It's as though I have travelled back in time to childhood, where I don't give a damn about anything, just play around and enjoy myself. Happy 就好!

P.S. The little children actually called me teacher and some of them stick to me throughout the activities. Hahahas, I feel blessed! :D 暗爽! It's these little things in life that matter.

He was the kind of puzzle
you played with as a child.
Fun to do, but there were
always pieces missing.

You can turn off the sun, but I'm still going to shine.

(Ripped from 8tracks.com)

Yes, I am not okay.

Because this negativity in me is dwelling up so much, yet I don't have the courage to tell anyone how I feel. I guess penning my thoughts down would be a better way to relieve all these negativism in me. And yes, I am trying my best to be positive here. I am really trying.

Today, I was waiting for someone's texts the entire day which never came until late at night, and even so, he only replied for a few texts before he went missing in action again. The entire day I was waiting, waiting and waiting. I didn't dare text him again to sort of remind him to reply me. I don't want to be seen as an annoying person who keep pestering people to reply me. Yes, I admit I am desperate. But I guess, I should put myself in his shoes. I myself too late reply people rights? So I shouldn't be petty and get angry over this kind of small little things rights? But it was freaking annoying to see him active on Instagram yet he did not have time to reply me? I kept telling myself that he's just busy, I kept repeating that over and over like a mantra. But I'm going insane.

I don't want to irritate him. What if I irritate him too much and he decided to abandon me? I don't want to be abandoned again. The feeling is unbearable. I nearly exploded and I questioned him about his late replies, but I guess sanity sets in quickly and I quickly saved myself by sending another comment to make it looked like I'm joking. But in reality, I'm not. I'm not okay. I want to know the reason behind why he late reply me. Is it because he finds that I am too controlling? Or is it because we talked too much and now there's nothing much left for us to say?

Lousiest excuse ever, but it was justified I guess. People used it to break off all contact with me. Not one, but two. Well done yanqi, you are only worth that lousy excuse.

But okay, I won't ask. I don't want to know. I rather things remain status quo than to get abandoned again. I hate it when insecurity crept in. I am loved rights? I looked through my blog pictures and see many smiling faces. I am really loved rights? People smile when they are with me rights? I want to remain hopeful.

I need people around me. I am too dependent and probably cannot survive alone. I hate heading to classes alone. I hate walking alone. I hate studying alone in school. I hate eating alone. For the past few weeks, I have been surviving on waffles for lunch because then I can walk while eat. I don't have to sit down at an empty table, stare into space, and wish I don't see anyone I know. I just hate being alone.

For the past few days, I have been questioning myself. Am I really such a bad person that people just don't want to be associated with me? Omg, yanqi you are really pathetic.

If anyone I know personally ever happens to read this post, don't ever ask me anything. I am strong, I will recover. It is just that the feelings invoked at that moment were too strong that I have to pen it down.

Dislocated, I lie awake.
Suffocating in my mistakes.
I lost my halo when I fell from grace,
but maybe next time I won't throw it all away.

When I first saw you with your smile so tender, my heart was captured, my soul surrendered.

Last Wednesday's happenings. :D A long post because my Wednesday was very fascinating hahahas, kidding!

After I ended lessons (yay last CFG seminar! I hated it so much omg), I rushed to find Amanda at Arts to grab a letter writting pad for Kaiyuan's birthday letter (shows how sucky I am as a friend, who forgot to write in advance LOL).

Then I headed to the Central Library to chiong our HTBSC competition report (quite tedious omg), before meeting PY for a short Project Embrace meeting. Felt a little sian because she was the one who told me to think of some possible games before we meet, and she agreed to type out on the document when I asked her to (to ensure no overlapping). But she came to the meeting with nothing in mind, so it was just me presenting my ideas to her. Ohwow, okay. No wonder the meeting only lasted for 20 minutes, the shortest one I have ever had. But okay whatever, I did my work. Fortunately she went home and edit and add in new ideas so okay, at least she did her work in the end. I don't feel so indignant. Hahahahas! (:

Sighs, I really felt out of place considering that I am in the committee but I have yet to attend any events related to Autism. Zzz. The feeling sucks seriously. T.T Why they put the events on Saturdays, and the timeslots clash with my music lessons, and it is freaking held at Bedok so I couldn't rush there as well.

I felt like I am 纸上谈兵 when I wrote the latest event proposal LOLOL. I am imagining all the possible scenarios (like how the kids will behave, how the volunteers will react, how big is the venue etc), and then I'm hoping that what I imagined is correct. (Which apparently I rock, because PY accepted my proposal with a few edits LOL).

Went back to rush the competition report (I swear the deadline is so tight and the project itself is complicated and tough), and Amanda came to join me after her midterm. Finally submitted on time. T.T Insane manzxc, so time-consuming.

(Our exhilarated faces the moment we emailed the person-in-charge our end product)

Thanks my teammates Amanda, Christel and Yanlin in joining me for this tedious yet interesting competition hahahahas! (: Doesn't matter if we win or not (but hopefully, we get into the finals at least because we really put in effort luh), but all matters is that we get to experience this interesting stuff. Solving crimes lehs! How cool is that, hehehes. :D

After which, we headed to Star Vista for a clique meetup wee! First time to Star Vista Teoheng and I want to comment that the room is abit small, but alright, we shall make do with it. Hahahahas! (:

(Happy belated birthday, Cheong!)

Failed surprise. Eve lured Kaiyuan out to grab drinks for us, but I couldn't manage to light the candle (wtf the three of us in the room do not know how to use a lighter alamak). And Kaiyuan was peering down the window at the door staring at us throughout the entire trying-to-light-up-the-candle process, which we didn't notice... Hahahahas, failed friends. :3

(We packeted Eighteen Chefs for dinner, whilst Kaiyuan packeted Rollie Ollie which looks damn freaking nice?!)

But I was famished and I doubt a few slices of sushi (and expensive at that) can fill my tummy, so I opted for baked rice at Eighteen Chefs. But sighpie, we didn't know there's no student meal for takeaway T.T So we spent twice the amount of money. Zzzz. Arghs stupid.

(The situation at Teoheng)

Photo taken with Amanda's Samsung Note 5, and I think the quality of the photo sucks. LOLOL, I attributed this flaw to the lighting problem.

(When you are too short to be seen)

(I finally pushed my way through to get my face in the photo?!)

Photos taken with Weina/Kaiyuan's iPhone 6, and the quality sucks also?! So grainy omg. Perhaps because we took the pictures at night. But what's the conclusion? Both Samsung and iPhone suck at taking photos at night T.T Sian. 

(Attendance 5/5)

Hahahahs, sorry Amanda, I know you hate this photo because you said you looked weird in it. But after scrutinising every single detail on every other photos, I deduced this to be the best already?! Hahahahas, sian. If only the second photographer stood nearer to help us take our photos. :/ She looked like she was taking scenery shots (stand far far one) -.-

It's so hard to say it
but I've been here before.
Now I'll surrender up my heart
and swap it for yours.

What the world needs now is love.

Day out with my cute sister on Monday after my school. :D And it was the day where I got extorted of all my $$$. Damn these older sister duties, I have to pay for everything. Sighpie. T.T

Lunch was good. We opted for the cheapest student meal that we can find in Jurong East. Hahahahas! Pizzahut is having this $5 student meal plan which is quite enticing, so here we go! :D

(Add-on this $2 worth of drumlets)

(The spiciest Aglio Olio that I have ever eaten)

(All-time favourites: Hawaiian Pizza)

Seriously, the Aglio Olio was freaking spicy that I have to keep asking for refills for my drinks and I think the waiteress got irritated by me. But LOL, what you want me to do! Hahahahas. Anyways, after adding in the GST and service charge, our bill amounts to $15.30. Okay luh, ~$7.50 per pax in a legit restaurant with aircon. Hahahahas! :D

Went shopping for clothes, and I got my sister two tops and a top & bottom for myself. Headed to InnisFree next to get our skincare products, before she pull me into Popular to get her stationery. We headed to Starbucks after that because they were having this one-for-one promotion (but for Venti size, aka the largest size). Can you imagine how bloated we feel after this? LOLOL!

And right, as I mentioned earlier, everything we spent that day (close to $100 fml) was all borne by me. Arghs. T.T I am penniless please.

But ohwell, the meal on Tuesday was paid by my mummy. So... Hahahahas! (: Sent my mummy to Jurong Point for work after a visit down to the hospital. Woke up at 6.30am that day fml. My eyesbags are protesting already. x.x

(Mummy's virgin experience with Four Fingers)

We ordered mixed flavours. It was fortunate that I like the garlic soy flavour and my mummy prefer the hot ones. No fighting, no fighting. Life's all good. Hahahahas! (:

I can't stop thinking about the way
I left you sinking with no escape.
Now there's no lifeline, no way to save.
But maybe next time I won;t throw it all away.

A paper town perfect for a paper girl.

I finally met up with my bae Vivian for a long-awaited Itacho Sushi dinner last Thursday :D Cravings satisfied! It was my first time to the JCube branch, but I guess things got too embarrassing that I'm never going to patronise that branch anymore in the future ._.

(Our must-order dish: squid!)

(Curry lobster sushi with lobster salad sushi)

(Some lobster curry mango sushi yumz)

(Wew more sushi!)

(Roasted salmon sushi)

(Salmon sashimi)

Hmm, we landed ourselves in a crisis that day over salmon sashimi. T.T We were chatting while ordering our food and we wrote down quantity 12 in our order. We meant to order 12 pieces of sashimi, but apparently due to some miscommunication, they served us 12 plates of sashimi (which is freaking 36 pieces and they cost ~$50?!) Ohmylife.

Suffered from a panic attack when the manager said we could not return the sashimi slices because they have to be served fresh. T.T But sighs, it is really damn expensive?! We argued again and finally the manager relented and we settled with half the amount (aka 18 pieces / 6 plates). Omg. I think our lives were nearly shorten by 10 years ._.

If we could not return, the bill will definitely amount to $100+. Then it would really be us staring at the spread of delicious food in front of you, yet having no appetite to eat. T.T

(Photo credits: Vivian Ng the noob)

Headed opposite for cheap cheap bingsu. We ordered my favourite flavour: Chocolate Banana. Recent obsession with chocolate bananas. Hahahas, missed my JC days boohoo, I want my chocolate banana waffles!

Volunteered at some event on Sunday before rushing home for a GER meeting which never materialised in the end LOL. Ohwell, more free time I guess? Hahahahas! 

(My new friend, Weijie)

Joking. Not like I'm going to see him again. He's a Secondary 1 kid but I guess his level of maturity is not that far off from me. LOL, he took real care of me, like serving me water and all (when I'm supposed to be the volunteer and he's the participant Lmao). Roles reserved. Or more like I suck. LOLOL.

I'm notorious for thinking
You're fully beautiful instead of hollow.
Sugar on your lips, it's hard to kill,
Jagged like a pill, it's hard to swallow.

They say love is around just the corner; my life must be a circle.

(Ripped from Tumblr)

"We're all guilty of ocassionally attempting to make our lives seem a little cleaner or a bit more organised, but the reality is often quite different. There's nothing wrong with daydreaming of an idyllic life, but what if we dropped the facade for a moment and celebrated our shortcomings? These flawed details are the beautifully blemished collateral of a life lived to the fullest. So make mistakes. Make a mess. Be imperfect."

Climb high so you can see the world, not so the world can see you.

Sleep deprivation.

LOL, midterms finally ended, woohoo!? Time to take a break. :DD But there are tons of activities waiting for me to do. T.T Seriously. I just want a day to laze back and relax, and maybe catch an episode or two of my variety show. But ain't no time for that, sighs. Things are getting slightly out of hands now ._. Time management arhs yanqi, time management.

These three days have been hell. Ended my last paper NM2101 midterms on Monday 8pm (such a late timing arghs), ohwell. Went Star Vista with Amanda for a mini dinner celebration at Hot Tomato to celebrate the end of our my midterms. Hahahahas! :DD If my midterms ended earlier, I'd have went to catch a movie or something, sighs.

(My favourite tiger prawns with olive rice)

Had the speediest dinner ever because we were pressed for time (can't even enjoy my dinner in peace omg). We decided to grab a cuppa Starbucks coffee each to survive our overnight volunteering work. LOL. Ordered hot Mocha because period's being a bitch. Arghs T.T

(And no, I actually ordered Grande size, but the cashier took my order wrongly and I got a Venti size. Omaigawd.)

(And if taking my order wrongly isn't enough, the cashier has no idea how to spell my name ... It is Angie for goodness' sake!)

(Selfie because Manda said the lighting is good LOL)

Hahahas, thanks to the Venti sized Mocha, it kept me awake till 5am until I had the urge to sleep. LOL. Rubbing my eyes constantly to remind myself to stay awake. It didn't help that I had to wake up at 6.45am to attend lessons on Monday. It is more than 24 hours without sleep, because our shift ended at 8am. Sighpie. *zombie mode on*

Went home for a quick shower and power nap before heading to school for some NM study and GER project meeting. Shag as hell LOLOL. Did some CFG research in between, and called it an early night for the day. LOL. :DD But I need more sleep geeeez.

Wednesday was slightly better, but still arghs. I had lessons straight from 10am to 1.35pm. Grabbed waffles for a quick lunch before rushing to Kent Ridge MRT to meet Yanlin to head to some competition briefing together. We were running late, and when we reached Novena MRT, the two direction idiots stared at the map but still went the wrong way. T.T LOL, thank goodness we decided to check with some passerby. Apparently, we were walking in opposite direction from our destination under the scorching hot sun. Wtf.

The talk was damn interesting, because it touched on criminal investigation topics! We saw some exclusive photos and learnt many things like criminal profiling. The speaker was very engaging and humorous too. :D It was a fun day despite the fact that both of us had to travel quite a distance away. LOL.

(Scrumptious tea buffet catering)

Chicken pie, swiss roll, kuehs, custard puffs and even satay! :D The food were finger-licking good! Hahahahas, the down side is that they served hot tea rather than cold drinks. I'm actually craving for fruit punch! >.< Got a free shirt as well, #typicalaunties LOL!

Glad that I was able to make it for this. :DDD

Plant your own garden

and decorate your own soul

instead of waiting for someone

to bring you flowers.

The power of speaking things into existence.

Blogging on the go today because I am really too tired to take out my notes and study on the train ride home LOLOL. Self-declared break :D My head's been spinning since earlier this morning and the feeling simply sucks because I have to do my midterm with a headache. T.T Maybe it's a wrong choice to drink alcoholic beverages one day before the exam LOL.

Numbed about my GER midterm now because I have nobody to compare answers with LOLOL. Unless Ben decided to get back to me after his second midterm today hmmm... Besides, I just received the results for my PL3236 midterm results yesterday and seriously. T.T Arghs. Really reconsidering majoring in Psychology now. :/

Ohwell, throwback to happier times. Crystal Jade dinner a few weeks ago with the family at Clementi Mall. :DD 

(Custard buns but not runny enough, disappointing)

(Mapo tofu, not greasy and all, fantastic!)

(Recent obsession with salted egg, so whoopee salted egg fish skin)

(三杯鸡 which is also not bad)

(Salted egg prawns hehehes)

(This is super not worth it?! 4 mini pieces for $18.90 wtf. Daylight robbery)

Sighs. I want to drown myself in food, not school. Just one more paper, yanqi. Just one more. Before I take a well-deserved break and start chionging all my assignments and pray for the best T.T

We waste so many days
Waiting for this weekend.
So many mornings for the night.
Our lust for future comfort is the
Biggest thief of life.